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DAVID: KING OF FANTASY FOOTBALL
Week 1: WINNER
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David’s Team
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Birthplace | Indiana — where David first learned that greatness likes flat horizons. |
Hockey Roots | Blades and cold air. David played hockey until the ice learned his name. |
Fantasy Origin Story | Started playing fantasy football at the age of 3. The draft board looked tall; destiny looked taller. |
Record | Has never lost a matchup. Perfection isn’t a streak — it’s a habit. |
Chariot | Drives a sweet truck. Chrome so shiny it reflects tomorrow’s victories. |
Kingdom | Now lives with his wife and daughter in the land of field deer — where the grass bows and the sunsets applaud. |
Contains intense flashing, color strobe, and jitter.
Proceed only if you’re comfortable with extreme visuals.